A place to keep family and friends updated on my life.
I just read my dear friend Mary's blog and her brother wrote that she passed away today at 2:45cst. I am so very thankful that her pain and suffering is over I just didn't think that she would pass so fast going into hospice care.
I'm grateful she was a loving wife and was given the gift of being a mommy to their adopted little girl Annika. I will miss her like mad and am sad I didn't get to talk to or see her in her final hours. She is with God and the world will miss her.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
What a day
I read my girlfriend Mary's site that keeps family and friends up to date on her condition. Today was bad news. Last night they, Mary and Jerry, decided that her body can fight no longer and they aren't going to take anymore precautions to slow the cancer down. I'm so tired of crying, I never thought that this would happen so soon, not to my Mary.
I met Mary in college around 1992 and when we're together it's as though we've never been apart. I hate that I can't go see her before pain and suffering ends, I'm just glad that it will be over for her. She's fought a good fight and now it's time to let her body be at peace. To think that last year before she found out she had everything she has ever wanted. An awesome loving husband and a brand new baby girl, Annika, who they adopted Jan. of '08. Just kills me that she won't remember her mommy, I sure hope that the family and friends remind her everyday of what her mommy looked like and later in life all the fabulous things she did.
Mary was my maid of honor and she rocked!!! We spent a week together before the wedding, I think Rob was jealous of our relationship, well that and we hadn't seen each other in a few years. She has touched so many lives and have only made their lives better for knowing her. During the week she was here we called her Navy Seal Mary as there was nothing that she couldn't do or find out how to do it.
She will be in my mind , heart, thoughts and prayers that this last transition goes easily.
I love you Mary!!!
Kate
I met Mary in college around 1992 and when we're together it's as though we've never been apart. I hate that I can't go see her before pain and suffering ends, I'm just glad that it will be over for her. She's fought a good fight and now it's time to let her body be at peace. To think that last year before she found out she had everything she has ever wanted. An awesome loving husband and a brand new baby girl, Annika, who they adopted Jan. of '08. Just kills me that she won't remember her mommy, I sure hope that the family and friends remind her everyday of what her mommy looked like and later in life all the fabulous things she did.
Mary was my maid of honor and she rocked!!! We spent a week together before the wedding, I think Rob was jealous of our relationship, well that and we hadn't seen each other in a few years. She has touched so many lives and have only made their lives better for knowing her. During the week she was here we called her Navy Seal Mary as there was nothing that she couldn't do or find out how to do it.
She will be in my mind , heart, thoughts and prayers that this last transition goes easily.
I love you Mary!!!
Kate
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What's on my mind
I read yesterday an email from my oncologist about my lab results and it just makes me cry. My
CA19-9 is a marker for the pancreas and it's at 286 which is pretty high. My oncologist thinks that my "disease" (cancer) has progressed. Well what a fine way to tell me in an email. She has a very poor mode of communication and if anything is off she's positive that the cancer has progressed. Just gets old.
Tomorrow I have a PET scan where I get to drink this nasty banana contrast liquid and then lay in the chamber for 45 mins. or so. The whole process takes 2 hours and my appointment isn't until 5:30 in Walnut Creek. Needless to say, it's going to be a long day.
The last couple of days I've been feeling kinda crappy. Very tired, no appetite, just blah. I've been reading the posts from my girlfriend Mary in MN, who's going through this same shit but her's is progressing. Just makes me sad. I love her so much and I hate to know that she's going through so much pain. She and I are way too damn young for all this crap. And for the really shitty part is that she adopted a sweet baby girl on Jan.30,2009. I know she is the best mom and I'm sure it's just killing her that she can't be with her baby girl. I think and pray for her every day and we seem to keep getting shitty news.
My PET has me a little scared tomorrow. I'm scared that the results will show glowing in my abdomen, meaning cancer has spread. My weight is down to 220, but my abdomen looks as if I'm 7-8 months pregnant. I so wish that were the case instead of this fluid build up.
My wound on my abdomen is almost healed and I'll finally be able to take a shower. Having the home health aide wash my hair in the kitchen sink is getting old, although I do enjoy having lotion rubbed on my legs and feet. That part is relaxing.
Well that's it for now. Going back to playing sudoku online.
Until later,
Kate
CA19-9 is a marker for the pancreas and it's at 286 which is pretty high. My oncologist thinks that my "disease" (cancer) has progressed. Well what a fine way to tell me in an email. She has a very poor mode of communication and if anything is off she's positive that the cancer has progressed. Just gets old.
Tomorrow I have a PET scan where I get to drink this nasty banana contrast liquid and then lay in the chamber for 45 mins. or so. The whole process takes 2 hours and my appointment isn't until 5:30 in Walnut Creek. Needless to say, it's going to be a long day.
The last couple of days I've been feeling kinda crappy. Very tired, no appetite, just blah. I've been reading the posts from my girlfriend Mary in MN, who's going through this same shit but her's is progressing. Just makes me sad. I love her so much and I hate to know that she's going through so much pain. She and I are way too damn young for all this crap. And for the really shitty part is that she adopted a sweet baby girl on Jan.30,2009. I know she is the best mom and I'm sure it's just killing her that she can't be with her baby girl. I think and pray for her every day and we seem to keep getting shitty news.
My PET has me a little scared tomorrow. I'm scared that the results will show glowing in my abdomen, meaning cancer has spread. My weight is down to 220, but my abdomen looks as if I'm 7-8 months pregnant. I so wish that were the case instead of this fluid build up.
My wound on my abdomen is almost healed and I'll finally be able to take a shower. Having the home health aide wash my hair in the kitchen sink is getting old, although I do enjoy having lotion rubbed on my legs and feet. That part is relaxing.
Well that's it for now. Going back to playing sudoku online.
Until later,
Kate
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
September 15, 2010
Hello everyone! I know it's been a very long time since I've posted and I apologize, but I am here now to bring everyone up to date on my health.
Starting in Jan. and Feb. I began to gain water weight. We're talking fast! I gained 70lbs. in 5 weeks and it was awful! I couldn't dress myself, I couldn't get in and out of the car by myself (I think that was the most frustrating part). Plain and simple I was just miserable.
I went into the hospital in March and they gave me IV lasix and I lost 10 lbs. in a week which was awesome but they were unable to tell me what happened and why I gained all this weight. So without a great plan or a follow up plan they sent me home after a week. So I'm back at home and still not losing any water weight and I'm taking a fairly high dose of lasix and this goes on for the next few months.
My abdomen is so distended I look as though I'm 9 months pregnant. I believe on June 6th is when I bumped my stomach on the counter in the kitchen, we have tall counters. Didn't think much of it and then I noticed a bruise and by the 8th it was black and raised. That night I went to sleep and woke up with this wet feeling. The bruised area had opened up and was leaking all over me. Then it hit me, the smell. It was infection, there's just something about that smell that you never forget or mistake what it is. So I call Rob and I get some paper towels and I start pushing on my abdomen and try to get the puss and nastiness to come out but there was so much. Needless to say we went to the ER in Vacaville.
This is what I remember: We got to the ER and they weighed me, I was at 310, and I had been 232 in Jan., so I was quite shocked. They put me in the wheelchair and took me back into the ER area and that's all I remember. Once I was in the ER they prepped me and took me to surgery, I had an infection in my abdomen that was going to kill me and they had to get it out immediately. This is Wed., then on Thurs. morning they took me back to surgery to clean more out of my open wound.
I was in ICU until Friday night or Sat. not sure, I was pretty out of it. I had all sorts of hoses coming out of me. They hooked me up to a wound vac, which is this machine that suctions the fluid out of the wound. I can't even explain the pain and I have a very high pain tolerance and the meds they were giving me weren't working right away.
So with this wound vac, they had to change the dressing every Mon., Wed., and Fri. Betty was her name, and she was awesome (wound care specialist). The first time I had the wound vac bandages changed I about lost it. I know I screamed a little and cried a lot. They had put so much tape on me and when she was pealing it off it was like pealing your skin off slowly. Needless to say I hated M,W,and F and Betty knew it. We up'd my medication a half hour before she began the procedure and it just took the screaming part away. I kept telling myself, this won't last forever, over and over again.
I believe after a week or so they decided that I needed to have supplemental feeding as they believed that I was not absorbing the nutrients that I needed. I was very malnutritioned. The biggest concern was my prealbumin which is an indicator of protein absorption. My level was at it's lowest 1.9 (in June) and the range it should have been in is 18.0 to 41. So they put in an NG tube (feeding tube through my nose and into my stomach) and did feedings while I slept. Slowly my prealbumin began to increase. I started out with clear fluids at first and advanced to eat regular food during the day.
At some point one of the Drs. decided that he was going to take some of the fluid out of my abdomen and run some tests. So I went to ultrasound so they could pin point a location of the fluid and then the Dr. went in and took out 3 liters of fluid. It felt so good to not have that pressure anymore, but unfortunately it didn't last, only 2 days and the fluid was back.
I stayed in the hospital just over a month as they monitored my blood levels and took care of my open wound. I was scared to come home. I was taking so many different medications and vitamins and I didn't have to worry about preparing food and so on and so forth. Everything was being taken care of.
I was discharged I believe on July 9th and they had everything set up for me. I have a hospital bed in my living room to keep my head elevated while I get feedings as I sleep. I have a nurse that comes M,Wand F to take blood for labs to monitor my levels since I'm on a high dose of Bumex (stronger than lasix). The nurse also checks on my wound and it's almost done healing. It started around 27 cm long across my abdomen and 15 cm wide. Now it's 8 cm long and 3 cm wide. When the nurse isn't here I do my own dressing changes twice a day. I also have an in Home Health Aide come to the house 2 times a week to help with washing my hair in the sink and washing my back and feet and legs. Everyone has been so helpful I don't think I would have made it without them.
When I left the hospital I weighed 246 and I now weigh 215. I haven't weighed this since high school, so a very long time ago. I still look like I'm about 7 months pregnant with the fluid in my abdomen but we think the fluid is slowly being absorbed.
I will try my best to keep up to date and I'll write more if I have forgotten some important info that has happened.
Thank-you all for your thoughts and prayers!!! I wouldn't have made it this far without all of you.
Until next time,
Kate
Starting in Jan. and Feb. I began to gain water weight. We're talking fast! I gained 70lbs. in 5 weeks and it was awful! I couldn't dress myself, I couldn't get in and out of the car by myself (I think that was the most frustrating part). Plain and simple I was just miserable.
I went into the hospital in March and they gave me IV lasix and I lost 10 lbs. in a week which was awesome but they were unable to tell me what happened and why I gained all this weight. So without a great plan or a follow up plan they sent me home after a week. So I'm back at home and still not losing any water weight and I'm taking a fairly high dose of lasix and this goes on for the next few months.
My abdomen is so distended I look as though I'm 9 months pregnant. I believe on June 6th is when I bumped my stomach on the counter in the kitchen, we have tall counters. Didn't think much of it and then I noticed a bruise and by the 8th it was black and raised. That night I went to sleep and woke up with this wet feeling. The bruised area had opened up and was leaking all over me. Then it hit me, the smell. It was infection, there's just something about that smell that you never forget or mistake what it is. So I call Rob and I get some paper towels and I start pushing on my abdomen and try to get the puss and nastiness to come out but there was so much. Needless to say we went to the ER in Vacaville.
This is what I remember: We got to the ER and they weighed me, I was at 310, and I had been 232 in Jan., so I was quite shocked. They put me in the wheelchair and took me back into the ER area and that's all I remember. Once I was in the ER they prepped me and took me to surgery, I had an infection in my abdomen that was going to kill me and they had to get it out immediately. This is Wed., then on Thurs. morning they took me back to surgery to clean more out of my open wound.
I was in ICU until Friday night or Sat. not sure, I was pretty out of it. I had all sorts of hoses coming out of me. They hooked me up to a wound vac, which is this machine that suctions the fluid out of the wound. I can't even explain the pain and I have a very high pain tolerance and the meds they were giving me weren't working right away.
So with this wound vac, they had to change the dressing every Mon., Wed., and Fri. Betty was her name, and she was awesome (wound care specialist). The first time I had the wound vac bandages changed I about lost it. I know I screamed a little and cried a lot. They had put so much tape on me and when she was pealing it off it was like pealing your skin off slowly. Needless to say I hated M,W,and F and Betty knew it. We up'd my medication a half hour before she began the procedure and it just took the screaming part away. I kept telling myself, this won't last forever, over and over again.
I believe after a week or so they decided that I needed to have supplemental feeding as they believed that I was not absorbing the nutrients that I needed. I was very malnutritioned. The biggest concern was my prealbumin which is an indicator of protein absorption. My level was at it's lowest 1.9 (in June) and the range it should have been in is 18.0 to 41. So they put in an NG tube (feeding tube through my nose and into my stomach) and did feedings while I slept. Slowly my prealbumin began to increase. I started out with clear fluids at first and advanced to eat regular food during the day.
At some point one of the Drs. decided that he was going to take some of the fluid out of my abdomen and run some tests. So I went to ultrasound so they could pin point a location of the fluid and then the Dr. went in and took out 3 liters of fluid. It felt so good to not have that pressure anymore, but unfortunately it didn't last, only 2 days and the fluid was back.
I stayed in the hospital just over a month as they monitored my blood levels and took care of my open wound. I was scared to come home. I was taking so many different medications and vitamins and I didn't have to worry about preparing food and so on and so forth. Everything was being taken care of.
I was discharged I believe on July 9th and they had everything set up for me. I have a hospital bed in my living room to keep my head elevated while I get feedings as I sleep. I have a nurse that comes M,Wand F to take blood for labs to monitor my levels since I'm on a high dose of Bumex (stronger than lasix). The nurse also checks on my wound and it's almost done healing. It started around 27 cm long across my abdomen and 15 cm wide. Now it's 8 cm long and 3 cm wide. When the nurse isn't here I do my own dressing changes twice a day. I also have an in Home Health Aide come to the house 2 times a week to help with washing my hair in the sink and washing my back and feet and legs. Everyone has been so helpful I don't think I would have made it without them.
When I left the hospital I weighed 246 and I now weigh 215. I haven't weighed this since high school, so a very long time ago. I still look like I'm about 7 months pregnant with the fluid in my abdomen but we think the fluid is slowly being absorbed.
I will try my best to keep up to date and I'll write more if I have forgotten some important info that has happened.
Thank-you all for your thoughts and prayers!!! I wouldn't have made it this far without all of you.
Until next time,
Kate
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