Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What's on my mind

I read yesterday an email from my oncologist about my lab results and it just makes me cry. My
CA19-9 is a marker for the pancreas and it's at 286 which is pretty high. My oncologist thinks that my "disease" (cancer) has progressed. Well what a fine way to tell me in an email. She has a very poor mode of communication and if anything is off she's positive that the cancer has progressed. Just gets old.

Tomorrow I have a PET scan where I get to drink this nasty banana contrast liquid and then lay in the chamber for 45 mins. or so. The whole process takes 2 hours and my appointment isn't until 5:30 in Walnut Creek. Needless to say, it's going to be a long day.

The last couple of days I've been feeling kinda crappy. Very tired, no appetite, just blah. I've been reading the posts from my girlfriend Mary in MN, who's going through this same shit but her's is progressing. Just makes me sad. I love her so much and I hate to know that she's going through so much pain. She and I are way too damn young for all this crap. And for the really shitty part is that she adopted a sweet baby girl on Jan.30,2009. I know she is the best mom and I'm sure it's just killing her that she can't be with her baby girl. I think and pray for her every day and we seem to keep getting shitty news.

My PET has me a little scared tomorrow. I'm scared that the results will show glowing in my abdomen, meaning cancer has spread. My weight is down to 220, but my abdomen looks as if I'm 7-8 months pregnant. I so wish that were the case instead of this fluid build up.

My wound on my abdomen is almost healed and I'll finally be able to take a shower. Having the home health aide wash my hair in the kitchen sink is getting old, although I do enjoy having lotion rubbed on my legs and feet. That part is relaxing.

Well that's it for now. Going back to playing sudoku online.
Until later,


Colleen said...

My dear friend,

I wish I could be with you tomorrow. I too have been following Mary's posts. The last one by her brother was so emotional.

PLEASE don't lose hope! I beg you! All this stupid cancer is different for everyone. Seeing you the other day you looked great. Yeah the bloating is the pits but it really has gone down! Three cheers for getting a shower soon!

I give your Dr. a big fat F for bedside/computerside manner. I will send good thoughts for a great PET scan! I hope you don't have to wait too long for results aka good news!

It is easy with all the time you have to think to get down. Feel free to call me. I am available 24/7 (if you call the house phone). I love you and have so much hope and faith that you WILL get through this.

I know I am not the best at expressing my feelings or how much I love you but I try in my own way.

barbara said...

Thank you for continuing to share your ups and downs in this battle.... I am sincerely sorry that you are going through all of this, and am hoping for many more "ups" in the coming days, weeks, months... it is just crazy. It must feel like a bizarre reality in some ways, ugh! Wishing you much health and a peaceful mind today for your test.
Just one of the many folks pulling for you! Love, Barbara

Wanda. said...

I hope all goes well for you tomorrow Kate. I have had your blog in my blog roll since the day you created it. I receive your updates and when I hadn't gotten one in a long time and I was concerned about you. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sweetie,
It's mom. Please keep strong. Keep fighting. We'll find out what's happening at your 10/15 oncology appt. I know you've had it bad with the fluid in your abdomen. Take the long term pain meds when you need. Will talk with you soon,
Love you!

Rachel said...

You are one strong woman. What you have been through is unbelievable. I am glad you have the blog to keep everyone updated. I miss you and I am sorry I haven't been around to be there for you. I am always thinking of you and I miss Thanksgiving with you and many nights of scrapbookking and card making. Shame on that email from the doctor, you want me to take care of her lol you know I would tell her a few not so nice things as she had no sympathy for you there. Many prayers go out to you while you are conquering this. Love ya