What's on my mind

I read yesterday an email from my oncologist about my lab results and it just makes me cry. My
CA19-9 is a marker for the pancreas and it's at 286 which is pretty high. My oncologist thinks that my "disease" (cancer) has progressed. Well what a fine way to tell me in an email. She has a very poor mode of communication and if anything is off she's positive that the cancer has progressed. Just gets old.

Tomorrow I have a PET scan where I get to drink this nasty banana contrast liquid and then lay in the chamber for 45 mins. or so. The whole process takes 2 hours and my appointment isn't until 5:30 in Walnut Creek. Needless to say, it's going to be a long day.

The last couple of days I've been feeling kinda crappy. Very tired, no appetite, just blah. I've been reading the posts from my girlfriend Mary in MN, who's going through this same shit but her's is progressing. Just makes me sad. I love her so much and I hate to know that she's going through so much pain. She and I are way too damn young for all this crap. And for the really shitty part is that she adopted a sweet baby girl on Jan.30,2009. I know she is the best mom and I'm sure it's just killing her that she can't be with her baby girl. I think and pray for her every day and we seem to keep getting shitty news.

My PET has me a little scared tomorrow. I'm scared that the results will show glowing in my abdomen, meaning cancer has spread. My weight is down to 220, but my abdomen looks as if I'm 7-8 months pregnant. I so wish that were the case instead of this fluid build up.

My wound on my abdomen is almost healed and I'll finally be able to take a shower. Having the home health aide wash my hair in the kitchen sink is getting old, although I do enjoy having lotion rubbed on my legs and feet. That part is relaxing.

Well that's it for now. Going back to playing sudoku online.
Until later,
Kate