What's on my mind

I read yesterday an email from my oncologist about my lab results and it just makes me cry. My
CA19-9 is a marker for the pancreas and it's at 286 which is pretty high. My oncologist thinks that my "disease" (cancer) has progressed. Well what a fine way to tell me in an email. She has a very poor mode of communication and if anything is off she's positive that the cancer has progressed. Just gets old.

Tomorrow I have a PET scan where I get to drink this nasty banana contrast liquid and then lay in the chamber for 45 mins. or so. The whole process takes 2 hours and my appointment isn't until 5:30 in Walnut Creek. Needless to say, it's going to be a long day.

The last couple of days I've been feeling kinda crappy. Very tired, no appetite, just blah. I've been reading the posts from my girlfriend Mary in MN, who's going through this same shit but her's is progressing. Just makes me sad. I love her so much and I hate to know that she's going through so much pain. She and I are way too damn young for all this crap. And for the really shitty part is that she adopted a sweet baby girl on Jan.30,2009. I know she is the best mom and I'm sure it's just killing her that she can't be with her baby girl. I think and pray for her every day and we seem to keep getting shitty news.

My PET has me a little scared tomorrow. I'm scared that the results will show glowing in my abdomen, meaning cancer has spread. My weight is down to 220, but my abdomen looks as if I'm 7-8 months pregnant. I so wish that were the case instead of this fluid build up.

My wound on my abdomen is almost healed and I'll finally be able to take a shower. Having the home health aide wash my hair in the kitchen sink is getting old, although I do enjoy having lotion rubbed on my legs and feet. That part is relaxing.

Well that's it for now. Going back to playing sudoku online.
Until later,
Kate

Update on chemo

I'm not sure if you've noticed but at the bottom of the posts there's a label and it used to say My Journey. I changed it to Our Journey as I'm not the only one going through this and having to live with this crap. I've been a little angry lately that this disease has affected so many and changed so many lives, it just makes me mad. I am of course grateful that I have all the support that I do have I'm not sure where or how I would be without it. Thank-you.

So yesterday I had my second dose of Gemzar and I had to go to Vallejo for the treatment as they were understaffed in Vacaville. It was a very different experience. I was in a very tiny room with no windows and very gloomy. My mom was with me and she read to me for a little bit and then the meds kicked in and I was tired so I rested as she read to herself. Before I knew it, it was over and we got to go home.

Last week wasn't so horrible, but I did have 2 days of bone pain in my legs only and I was able to get to sleep with the wonderful Ambien. On Saturday I had a low grade fever and I'm not sure if that made me vomit or it was just the Gemzar rearing it's ugly head. I've heard this is one of the more easier chemo treatments to have, but it seems to kick me down a few times.

So on Sunday I was up early and we, Rob and I made Thanksgiving Day turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, sweet potatoes, greans and grean beans with onions and bacon. It was an awesome day, oh yeah we baked a pumpkin pie also. Family and friends came to celebrate and I did pretty good, I only had to lay down for a little bit.

The next day, Monday, was a stay in bed day, but I guess that's the price I payed for trying to do an all day event. But like my mom told me if that's the price to pay for a very good day, it's worth it.

So with chemo I had a headache last night and a small fever again, but other than that things are going well. Today I'm supposed to meet up with my old boss Dr. Dian Allen and I'm really looking forward to it. It's been along time since we've seen each other and I'll be picking up my things that I left there when I had to leave.

So that's it we're up to date again. Up and coming things are keeping an eye on my blood counts so that I can continue treatment and the losing of my hair. I'm thinking I need to let Rob buzz my hair again so I don't have all these little hairs everywhere, which will be annoying I'm sure as I've heard that from my dear friend Mary who is going through this battle also with cancer.

Thank-you for all the awesome thoughts and prayers that you all have been sending my way, we know that it's working without it doubt. I can't thank-you all enough.

Until next time.
Kate

It's been awhile...

So it's been awhile since I've written and although not too much has happened I do have a few updates. The most recent being that my Gramps' wife Marte has lost her fight with cancer this past Tuesday. She was in hospice care and wasn't doing well and then suddenly her fight ended. I'm very sad as she was an awesome person and someone whom I loved and cared about. We had said that we were in this fight against cancer together and I will keep fighting. I know that Marte was in a lot of pain due to the cancer so I'm glad she is now pain free and cancer free. My Gramps is doing ok although I know he is very sad to lose his wife whom he loved very much. I really wish I could be with him in AZ to help him through this, but Marte's kids are going to be there to help him through this difficult time.

I'm not sure if I had meantioned that I was going to have a PET scan done, but that was done on Tuesday. I didn't think it was that bad, but the liquid I had to drink was this thick milky banana flavored substance. Not bad going down but my system didn't like it one bit and I will definately have to take some digestive enzymes next time. I think it was way too much for my little pancreas to take.

I meet with my oncologist on my birthday, the 30th so I'll find out my results then. They better be good I'm not sure I can handle anymore bad news. But then if it is, I'll get through it and move on to the next step. I also have a radiology appointment also, not for radiation but just as a follow up appointment from radiation that ended earlier this month. I also have labs I have to do since I start chemo again on the 1st. So that will be the start of my 9 sessions of Gemzar. I'm really hoping that I am able to handle it well and get through the holidays.

I just got an invitation to meet up with some old friends from high school in January and I'm totally excited!!! I so hope that I'm doing ok and that when we meet in January I'll be able to enjoy our time together.

Well, I've enjoyed my month off from chemo and radiation, although I'm still tired from the radiation and tend to sleep a lot. But it's nice not being poked and proded.......lol Not too much has been going on but trying to spend time with family. I talk to my mom every day and we get to see each other on the weekends and it means the world to me that we live close together and have that kind of bond. I can't even express how awesome my mom is.........she's AWESOME! In fact I'm so lucky with the wonderful family and friends that I have I couldn't ask for more. My family has been so wonderful and supportive that there's no way I could be doing this well and staying this strong without them.

As far as how I'm feeling I'm doing pretty good except for the being tired, but I'm hoping that that will go away soon. I do have a little more pain in my abdomen that scares me a bit but it just could be my body reacting to the radiation. I will update again after my appointment with the oncologist and hope to be bringing good news.

Thanks to everyone for all your prayers and positive thoughts. I love you all and wouldn't be able to do this without all of you.

Until next time,
Kate

Just a little update

Things are going well, my energy is pretty good on most days and all my levels are very good. The only thing that is a little low is my platelets, but they are still ok. Most days I'm up in the a.m. and just get through waking up, taking meds and vitamins and getting ready to get picked up to go to radiation can be quite the chore. As of my last check up with the nurse I'm weighing in at 255 now and I'm pretty sure that's what I weighed when I met Rob in 1999. Amazing huh. It feels awesome even though everything isn't quite bouncing back like I thought it all would. Guess the weight came off too fast. Regardless it makes me happy.

I don't really have any secrets as to how the weight has come off, but I do tend to survive on cheese quesadillas. There's enough cheese in there to make the two sides stick together so pretty low on calories. But they are one of the things that doesn't bother my system and I don't have to take anything. It's kind of an on going joke with mom and I since she thinks I should eat things that have more nutrician in them. Moms.........lol But seriously, it really has to do with portion control and I just have a much smaller stomach, so it decides when I'm done even though I would love to eat more, I just can't. Old habits try to sneak in, but I do my best to stop them.

On Tuesday the 27th I was going to be done with radiation and chemo together but I found out yesterday that I have to do so more radiation, an additional week and a half. I guess it's good to do it now, just to keep the process going, but I was really looking forward to it being done. But if the Dr. thinks that I need more who am I to complain.

So that's the latest update. I don't start chemo again until Nov.17th and that's the Gemzar again and possibly another chemo agent. I'll be talking with my oncologist on the 27th to see what the plans are and also get her to give me a PET scan. I would really like to know what's going on in my body rather than all this speculation about whether or not the cancer is back and where it is. Just need to know.

Thank-you, thank-you to everyone for all your prayers and wonderful positive thoughts, we wouldn't be able to get through all of this without all of you.

Until next time,
Kate