Telling Emily

As some of you may or may not know that I have a 6 yr. old niece, Emily. I affectionately call her Miss Em, Miss Moomoo and just Moomoo. I have no idea where moomoo came from, it just happened.

So tonight we decided to tell moomoo that even though I'm not in the hospital, that her auntie isn't better yet. I drew the shape of a body on a piece of paper and I put little smiley faces and angry faces around my abdomen area. I told moomoo that auntie has cancer, and then I asked her if she knew what cancer was and she shook her head no. I explained that I have these angry cells in me that can make me sick and that I'm going to be getting some medicine called chemo that's going to help get rid of it. I showed her that the chemo would get rid of the angry faces but that it would also get rid of the smiley ones too. Moomoo asked why it was going to get the smiley faces and I told her that the medicine doesn't know the difference between the smiley and angry faces.

So far so good.

I then told her that when the medicine gets rid of the smiley cells that some of those smiley cells are aunties hair and that auntie will most likely lose her hair. Em put her hands over her eyes and said, "no, no, no". This is when I lost it and she asked why I was crying and I told her that I didn't want her to be scared of auntie. She said, "I don't want you to lose your hair". Krystal and I reassured her that after the medicine was done that my hair would come back and that I would be getting some wigs to wear when I was out in public. She continued to cry and shake her head that she didn't want me to lose my hair and that this has never happened before. I held her and let her know that it was going to be ok. I also let her know that there will be times that I can't be in public or large groups of people because I could get sick so I'll be wearing a pink face mask. I let her know that uncle and I ordered some pink face masks for us to wear. After a good 15 minutes or so we were ok and I asked her if she was hungry, she said yes and we made pizza. Pizza solves all our worries doesn't it??? Well, it did tonight, at least for awhile. Em wanted one of her favorite movies in so we watched "Spirited Away" while we had pizza.

Em and Krystal went and played on the computer after we put the pizza in the toaster oven and I went upstairs to pull myself together. Cancer sucks!!! I hate that it has to effect everyone around me as it just hurts to see family and friends hurt. It's just not fair. But I'm not the first to go through this and I'm sure won't be the last. A few days ago my mom told me that my Gramps' wife Marte has bone cancer and is starting radiation immediately as it was found in numerous areas of her body. So when you have those prayers going out Marte could use some too.

I wrote my oncologist today to find out my schedule for chemo and radiation. Holy cow!!! Here's the schedule:
Starting on the 24th, one treatment of Gemzar for each of the next 3 weeks.
Then I'll have 2 weeks off to recooperate.
Then chemo (5-FU) and radiation congruently. I will have a PICC line put in as I will be getting the infusion of chemo over a longer period of time. At least I've had 2 PICC lines and know what to expect. I believe this will go on for 5 weeks, at least I know the radiation will.
I'll have 4 weeks off to recooperate.
Gemzar for 3 weeks.
4 weeks off.
Gemzar for 3 weeks.
Treatment is over.
So by my calculations that's 24 weeks.

Well, that was enough for one day. Thank-you for your positive thoughts and prayers.
Kate